Today the twins are the exact same age as Charlie was before his breath was stolen in the night.
Things will not go the same way twice, I tell myself.
Tomorrow is Ada's birthday and nothing can go wrong, I tell myself.
No monitors in the world will help me get through tonight without getting up time and time again to check. And that moment of hesitation before I realize that they are still breathing, still alive, is the part that gets me every time.
I flash back to those moments when I realized what was happening that morning. I can't do it all over again. I can't survive it twice, I just can't.